(courtesy of suzyhumanity)
Well folks, it's time to really lay it all out there so-to-speak. I feel the need to really let my voice be heard and share a bit of a very important story with you all. Be forewarned... this might be a bit lengthy.
Hm, let's see.. where should I start? I guess I should begin by telling you that I was raised in a very loving home centered around God and His love. I went to church every Sunday, took part in vacation bible school in the summer time, etc. I was always called little miss "encourager" and had a very positive outlook on life.
I knew something was changing in me during my years in Junior High, and then the real storm hit in high school. Suddenly I was left feeling hopeless and had lost all care for this supposed faith of mine. I really fell apart. I couldn't see the good in life and couldn't get my brain to leave me be. I hit rock bottom, and it was quite ugly... I have the marks to prove it.
I finally sought professional help my sophmore year of college after a crushing break-up sent me over the edge. I realized that if I didn't have the strength or motivation to get out of bed, I really needed to seek medical help. I had always hated the idea of medicating myself when so many people face challenges in life without the need for pills. It wasn't up to me anymore, though.
The medicine really did help, to my surprise. I found myself able to handle life and the roller coaster of emotions much better. There was still a void, though. Something just wasn't right.
This past year was quite a whirlwind. Another relationship came to a close, I began my career in teaching, moved out on my own for the first time, and my Grandpa passed away. I was definitely at another crossroads in life. Suddenly, one night while sitting by my Christmas tree, I found the desire to go pick a book up off the shelf: Captivating. Let me say that I had this book mailed to me years before, but had never felt the desire to read it. Wow. It hit me like a crashing wave... suddenly I had tears flooding down. "In love, he has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to HIM and HIM ALONE for her rescue."
The adventure of discovering/renewing my faith is still very new. I am learning daily. Something I feel so excited to share is my recent decision, with His help, to get off my medication. I had gone a week or so before without it just by mistake, but recently I found myself not feeling the emotional lows without it. I prayed and prayed, and came to the decision that I no longer needed this medication. I'm learning to lay it all at His feet.
I'm thankful for every low I've faced and every trial I've overcome with His love. I've learned that He was always there, just watching and waiting- loving me despite my determination to live life without Him. I'm blessed beyond words, and hope that this bit of honesty will offer some hope.
I feel free and oh-so-ready to live.
